This is the time where I feel the most vulnerable.

I feel like I got cut off from the world and no one noticed.

Oh my jeezus.

Toy Story 3 was orgasmic.

100th Post.

Woo.

Today was the day.

The day I've been dreading for almost 3 months now, the last day of my Junior year. Yeah, it may sound like I was getting worried for no reason but you don't get it. This was the day that one of my best friends became an official alumni of Mt. Eden High School. I'm proud of her, forreal. I remember her complaining to me about doing homework and how she stayed up in the wee hours of the night studying. All her work paid off and I'm super proud of her.

This is when my selfishness kicks in. I didn't want her to leave. I wasn't ready to not see her everyday anymore. Wasn't ready to not talk to her everyday anymore. To be honest, I still don't think I'm ready. She surprised me today in Japanese. I read the note that she gave me. When I started reading it, I was already tearing up, but holding it in. When I got to the last paragraph, with the thank you's, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Once a tear dropped, it couldn't be stopped. I finished reading and went up to her. I hugged her for the longest time, I didn't want to let go. I'm afraid of letting go, afraid that if I let go, things will be gone forever. I didn't want that to happen, not now, not ever. But I couldn't hold on forever. I had to let go and I had to bring myself up. As I let go from the hug, more tears came. They kept on coming for about 5 minutes and I was strong enough to stay standing. I knew from this point that I was strong enough to be let off on my own. (LOL, it sounds like I'm moving out of my parent's house or something.) I was strong enough to let go and have faith in our friendship. Of course it's not going to be the same at school anymore, but I'm confident in myself that I can handle the changes and take them head on. I'm proud of myself for surviving this dreaded day, but I'm more proud of you, Sheena Carbonell Franco. Btw, you still have your sweater at my house.

This Last Year

Will be a tough one for me. I didn't notice how much the class of 2010 influenced me. Last time I went to graduation, which was when my sister graduated 2008, most of the graduates were people I didn't know or were just there. But this year, my friends graduated. They weren't just people who were older than me, they were my friends and it scares me. These first 3 years of high school made me become friends with the class of 2010 and seeing them as older brothers or sisters. Seeing them walk the stage is unbelievable. It scares me that my next year of high school, I won't be able to get the same help that I got the last 3 years, I won't have the guidance of the "older sibling". I'm not ready to be a Senior. I'm not ready to have these kids look up to me as I did with the upperclassmen. But I'm gonna have to grow some balls and walk that stage. One more year, baby. I got this.

Knock knock.

"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I am, and I always will be. Okay? So don't cry when I leave, it's not like I'm going anywhere far. Remember, I was supposed to go to the Philippines. But I won't."

I won't be able to see you everyday anymore, you won't be on the same campus anymore and most importantly, we won't even talk on a daily basis anymore and that's what scares me. I talk to you at least once a day, every day. You're gonna be busy with college and I don't think that I should interrupt that just because of the fact that I'll be bored. I know you won't mind, but it's distracting to you. My sisters told me that you don't get second chances in high school unless you're rich. If I were to talk to you everyday when you're in college and you fuck up, I'll feel responsible. I dunno, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just a sad monkey and I don't want you to leave.

June 2nd 2010, 10:55pm

Mark Blanco scared the shit out of me today. His fortune thing was so accurate, it's not even funny. It happened twice in a row with the same person. If you're reading this, you probably already know who. Mark said that there's gonna be love, but it's gonna come with a conflict and a breakup in the future. I'm scared.

June 1st 2010, 11:55pm

I should probably start on these again. I haven't done these in a long while and I miss it. School was okay today. I'm really not looking forward to Monday. Last day for seniors. I'm gonna be a sad muhfucka when I see Sheena as a classmate for the last time. She's the reason why I actually look forward to Japanese and I don't think I'll be able to survive on those last 2 days without her. (she's probably reading this right now either smiling or crying or whatever) She knows this too. Oh well. Hopefully, she'll come back with candy for me or something. I love me some candy. Okay I'm gonna sleep now. Night.