Wow.

My sister just came into my room to ask me what was wrong. I love how I'm getting closer to my sisters.

I want to hurt him.

I don't give a fuck if he's the nicest person in the fucking world, he's going home in a body bag.

I don't know what I want.

Anything I choose will cause complications. Fuck this shit.

I'm angry.

Today was just a really bad and irritating day. I'm gonna skip the day part and I'm gonna go straight into what JUST happened.

Fuck that kid, I'll make him bleed if he touches you. You're telling me that "I don't know him", fuck that. I know that he's a bitchass nigga who gives dirty looks to randomass people and thinks there won't be any consequences. I don't give a fuck if I'm being rude or not, I don't like him at all. Never have, never will. I don't care if you show this to him, in fact, I WANT you to show this to him. I don't give a fuck. William Rafael, you stay the fuck away from Audrey or you finna get hit.

This is the time where I feel the most vulnerable.

I feel like I got cut off from the world and no one noticed.

Oh my jeezus.

Toy Story 3 was orgasmic.

100th Post.

Woo.

Today was the day.

The day I've been dreading for almost 3 months now, the last day of my Junior year. Yeah, it may sound like I was getting worried for no reason but you don't get it. This was the day that one of my best friends became an official alumni of Mt. Eden High School. I'm proud of her, forreal. I remember her complaining to me about doing homework and how she stayed up in the wee hours of the night studying. All her work paid off and I'm super proud of her.

This is when my selfishness kicks in. I didn't want her to leave. I wasn't ready to not see her everyday anymore. Wasn't ready to not talk to her everyday anymore. To be honest, I still don't think I'm ready. She surprised me today in Japanese. I read the note that she gave me. When I started reading it, I was already tearing up, but holding it in. When I got to the last paragraph, with the thank you's, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Once a tear dropped, it couldn't be stopped. I finished reading and went up to her. I hugged her for the longest time, I didn't want to let go. I'm afraid of letting go, afraid that if I let go, things will be gone forever. I didn't want that to happen, not now, not ever. But I couldn't hold on forever. I had to let go and I had to bring myself up. As I let go from the hug, more tears came. They kept on coming for about 5 minutes and I was strong enough to stay standing. I knew from this point that I was strong enough to be let off on my own. (LOL, it sounds like I'm moving out of my parent's house or something.) I was strong enough to let go and have faith in our friendship. Of course it's not going to be the same at school anymore, but I'm confident in myself that I can handle the changes and take them head on. I'm proud of myself for surviving this dreaded day, but I'm more proud of you, Sheena Carbonell Franco. Btw, you still have your sweater at my house.

This Last Year

Will be a tough one for me. I didn't notice how much the class of 2010 influenced me. Last time I went to graduation, which was when my sister graduated 2008, most of the graduates were people I didn't know or were just there. But this year, my friends graduated. They weren't just people who were older than me, they were my friends and it scares me. These first 3 years of high school made me become friends with the class of 2010 and seeing them as older brothers or sisters. Seeing them walk the stage is unbelievable. It scares me that my next year of high school, I won't be able to get the same help that I got the last 3 years, I won't have the guidance of the "older sibling". I'm not ready to be a Senior. I'm not ready to have these kids look up to me as I did with the upperclassmen. But I'm gonna have to grow some balls and walk that stage. One more year, baby. I got this.

Knock knock.

"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I am, and I always will be. Okay? So don't cry when I leave, it's not like I'm going anywhere far. Remember, I was supposed to go to the Philippines. But I won't."

I won't be able to see you everyday anymore, you won't be on the same campus anymore and most importantly, we won't even talk on a daily basis anymore and that's what scares me. I talk to you at least once a day, every day. You're gonna be busy with college and I don't think that I should interrupt that just because of the fact that I'll be bored. I know you won't mind, but it's distracting to you. My sisters told me that you don't get second chances in high school unless you're rich. If I were to talk to you everyday when you're in college and you fuck up, I'll feel responsible. I dunno, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just a sad monkey and I don't want you to leave.

June 2nd 2010, 10:55pm

Mark Blanco scared the shit out of me today. His fortune thing was so accurate, it's not even funny. It happened twice in a row with the same person. If you're reading this, you probably already know who. Mark said that there's gonna be love, but it's gonna come with a conflict and a breakup in the future. I'm scared.

June 1st 2010, 11:55pm

I should probably start on these again. I haven't done these in a long while and I miss it. School was okay today. I'm really not looking forward to Monday. Last day for seniors. I'm gonna be a sad muhfucka when I see Sheena as a classmate for the last time. She's the reason why I actually look forward to Japanese and I don't think I'll be able to survive on those last 2 days without her. (she's probably reading this right now either smiling or crying or whatever) She knows this too. Oh well. Hopefully, she'll come back with candy for me or something. I love me some candy. Okay I'm gonna sleep now. Night.

To SCF.

I would have never expected us to be this close. When I first met you, I thought that was the only time I would ever see you. I know this is how most friendships start, it's how I got so close to Connie and look at us now. I'm not one to compare friendships, that's not what I'm doing. I'm just thankful for what you have done for me over the year. You helped me relive my boredom and we got close off of that alone. You and Arden, you were my best friends in Japanese, you two made it tolerable for me. To be honest, that class is the only class I look forward to every day, just because I know you'll be there to make me laugh and smile. Yeah, it may sound corny (And it is) but it's the truth and I want it to be known out there. How you, Austin, Audrey and Lorraine went to Carl's Jr to play Truth or dare. How you and Lorraine went out of your way to wake me up during Star testing (Which I am still upset about) to go eat breakfast somewhere. How you, Amber and Lorraine went to Carl's Jr. with me on your day off of rehearsal. How you sacrificed your lunch to help me plan things for my birthday (Which isn't really going to work out). How you help me go throughout my day, it makes me happy. You're graduating and I can't imagine school without you, to be honest. I'm gonna cry when you walk that stage and that's real talk. When I turn 18 and when I walk that stage, I want you to be in the audience just like how I will for you. I want you to leave me 18 voicemails on my 18th, like what I did for you. Thank you for being the first to greet me on my birthday. Thank you for staying up until 12 to wish me happy birthday. Thank you for webcamming with me for 20 minutes after my birthday lol. You singlehandedly made this birthday one to remember, and you didn't even do all that much. And for that, I thank you. Keep in touch when you graduate, I don't want another faded friendship.


Btw, when I graduate, we will go donut dunking and shoot lasers at each other.

I'm so fucking confused right now

It's not even funny.

Okay, I'm slippin bruh.

I need to get my shit together. Like forreal.

I'm in a confused state at the moment.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on in my life.

Track meet tomorrow.

I'm nervous as hell. It's like the taekwondo tournaments all over, although I never really participated. I'm still wearing my Manila jacket there tho. No matter what sport I do, I will always wear that to competitions. Doesn't matter if it's a track meet or if I'm somehow in a golf tournament. I'm forever wearing that jacket. Once a Manila fighter, always a Manila fighter. Forever and always.

So I'm gonna take.

Food and Nutrition II
Photography
Psychology
American Gov/Economics
Physiology
AP English/Expository Writing

I'm not sure about English. I want to take AP English because it's gonna be Ms. Maloney. Blah. Oh well.

Getting the forms for the new classes next year

Is overwhelming as shit. I'm HELLA not ready to be a senior and graduate. I'm scared. I don't wanna go out into the real world yet. I wanna go back into elementary.

What if....

There was someone in the world who acted EXACTLY the way you did, but with a different image? Chances are, you wouldn't like that person. Why? Because inside ourselves, we hate ourselves. We hate the way we act, but we love it at the same time. Humans are selfish beings and we thrive to get what we want, no matter the consequences. But when other people do it, they're being assholes or douchebags. I know for a damn fact that I wouldn't like myself, but that's okay because there isn't anyone out there like me because I'm me. I'm the only Ronnie Nel Reyes in the world and I'm damn happy about that.

Fuck Valentines Day

Fuck the love songs on the radio, fuck the coincidental love songs playing on my iTunes, fuck these love posts on tumblr, fuck these "I love you" statuses on aim and facebook, and fuck you. This holiday is fucking bullshit and it's a holiday only meant to give a big "fuck you" to single people who are always down on their luck. FUCK VALENTINES DAY.

My pointless rant on music.

Since not a lot of people will care or get annoyed by this, I'm gonna post it here and not tumblr.

Lil' Wayne is shit. All he is is a bunch of comparisons of the same thing over and over.

Ex. "I'm hot like _____________ in the summer"

How can Lil' Wayne be liked by people over the age of 21? His audience is black teenagers and yet he's still admired by almost everyone. Would you have him in your house as a dinner guest? I wouldn't think so.

Same with R&B singers. Trey Songz is a respectable artist? Fuck that shit. He sings about fucking and clubs and alcohol. Same shit as "rap" nowadays, and he's considered R&B just because he's singing? Yeah, he's a good singer, but why would you sing about all that and only get respect by one group of people when you can sing about anything and it'll be good and have a lot of fans? Musiq Soulchild is the best R&B singer of this generation because he's singing about things that happen to everyday people and not just a certain type of people.

Onto Autotune..FUCK AUTOTUNE. I don't understand singers with autotune. What's the point of it? If you're a singer and you have a record deal, what's the point of autotune? You're signed to a record label, that's how you know you're a good singer. But why add autotune? It's not your real voice, it's computerized. It's not real. You're sounding like a fucking robot. You have talent by singing so don't ruin it with autotune, just sing your heart off and show the world your talent without "enhancement".

Okay I'm done.

That discussion in English really got to me....

I really didn't have any friends growing up. All I had were my cousins and sisters. I don't have a guy cousin my age, so I didn't know what was "cool" and I didn't have any real friends until the 6th grade. All I had were acquaintances at school and nothing else. When James, David and Wojed went up to me in 6th grade, I knew that something was going to happen. I noticed that David, Arthur, Terry etc etc., will make friends with pretty much everyone, even the new kid who slept on the bench. And before that, the only guy my age that I kicked it with was Mark A, from TKD. But then he moved to Vegas to become a little hypebeast. Then there was Robin, who was my best friend, but I never admitted it. I'm really happy about the friends I have now. I know for a fact that they'll never leave me and I'll never leave them. I love them all.

February 9th, 2010 11:49PM

I need to stop procrastinating. Seriously, it's taking so much of my time and it makes me think that not doing anything is good for me. Arrgh. I hate laziness. Anyways, I'll make Junessa ask me to Sadies in a unique way. Maybe with spam and rice or something tho. Haha. Well, first time doing this in about 3 weeks. I've even procrastinated on this, WTF. Oh well. Goodnight.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I need to start posting again. Maybe I'll do my iPod notes again tonight.

It's killing me inside too.

Don't think that this is something that I wanted to do because it wasn't. It needed to be done and quite frankly, it seemed like the only choice I had to make. I don't love you anymore. I loved who you used to be. The girl I met a year ago. The quiet girl on the tennis team who didn't have many friends. The shy girl who had trust issues with people. Most importantly, the girl who understood me like no one else could. You taught me to see positivity in my life and now look at you. Completely cynical. You're acting as if I wanted this to happen. If I could, I would relive our friendship. Too bad I can't. Too bad you wouldn't. You're having the time of your life right now. Too bad I'm not part of it. Hopefully, you'll go back to how you were before, because that was when you were at your best. Until then, goodbye.

Wow I've been lagging.

Starting tonight, resuming my nightly blogs.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010 11:51PM

Fuuuuuuuuck my booooooorrrring assssssss liiiiiiiife. School, practice, eat, end. Goodnight.

Monday, January 11, 2010 11:10PM

Today = bullshit. School, practice, and ate at a buffet. Goodnight stalkers.

Friday, January 8th, 2010 10:08PM

Wow today was fun. I got to school on time today. Haha. Then during lunch, Kier beasted on me in a duel using my own cards. I really need to work on my strategy skills. But then again, shaine is fucking terrible. Haha. Oh well. Then after school I went to watch the game. Oh man. Good job varsity. Seriously, I was actually cheering and shit. Haha. My nigga #15 th0. Got home around 9 to see the Warriors down by 18 points. Then surprisingly, they won. WTFFFFFF. Haha. Anyways, I'm tired as fuck. Unless something happens this weekend I guess I won't do my nightly blogs. Haha goodnight blogspot and stalkers. I seriously love you all.

Thursday, January 7th, 2010 11:08PM

Well, I told her. I feel great that I told her since I've had the biggest crush on her since I met her. She sees me as a brother to her and I respect that, forreal. I just can't help but feel bummed out that she doesn't share the same feelings back. But it's cool, she told me wsup, and I understand so it's all good. Then Polly comes back into the picture.....

I found out that Polly told Sheryl that I liked her before I told her. Naturally with my guy instincts, I got upset that she beat me to it. So I texted her asking her why she told her when I wanted to tell her myself. This was pretty much angry talking so I didn't mean to just get mad like that. And she told Sheryl and Sheryl got mad at me for making it a big deal when I shouldn't have in the first place. So I admitted to Polly that it was my fault and that she shouldn't feel bad like that. But noooo Polly's fucking weirdass keeps on saying that it's her fault. Uggggh. How the fuck did Polly get into our buisness in the first place? Anyways, basketball game tomorrow. I need to sleep. Goodnight, stalkers.

Wednesday January 6th, 2010 11:57PM

So I think she knows now. Which sucks because I wanted to tell her myself without her finding out on her own. Hopefully I'll have the balls to tell her tomorrow without crashing and burning. *sigh. Goodnight blogspot. I will see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 11:56PM

I was pretty happy today. Showing off that I called Sheryl last night and we talked for 2 hours. I don't like how she talks about Jordan and Marvin all the time. But then again, she doesn't know any better and doesn't know that I like her yet. I want to take her out on valentines day to watch valentines day. Anyways, I need sleep. Goodnight.

Edit 12:12am: I don't appreciate how Jenny talks to me about Joe considering that I'm super close to Connie. Jenny is one of my good friends no doubt, but it's really none of my business. I take no sides, especially between two really good friends.

Monday, January 4th, 2010, 10:26PM

I am currently on the phone with Sheryl. =))))))))))))) Nothing can stop me from being this happy right now. I will finish this later. Haha

EDIT: Tuesday January 5th, 2010, 12:46AM

2 hours. I'm really happy about this right now, even though I was pretty much in depression mode the whole afternoon. I'm not sure if I should tell her tomorrow anymore. Like the fact that we were on the phone for two hours made it less awkward, but it only makes it harder to tell her. I think I will tell her tomorrow. Just to get it over with. K it's 12:46am and I need to sleep. Goodnight.

Sunday, January 3, 2010. 11:55 PM

I guess I'm gonna do this nightly journal thingy. Just for kicks. School's tomorrow, again. I hate school, forreal. My sleeping pattern is fucked up. And I hate Ms. Wright's bitchass, Mr. Ahmad can't really teach, so it's hard in chemistry and Mr. Alvarez goes WAY too fast and it's just too difficult. Anyways, my nonexistent "love life" got worse than it already is. I really hope I don't fuck things up with Sheryl. Polly is done for, completely out of the picture. But yeah, hopefully I van get back on track with my life, I'm tired of not doing anything. Well, I have to sleep. Goodnight.

Every night, I write about whatever is on my mind in the notes thingy on my iPod. Might as well put it to use, right? So I guess I'll copy it down word for word onto here so I can actually post things onto here. Whether it be random raps on my head or deep meaningful thoughts. Depends on my mood. Haha. Kbye.

First blog of the year.

Wasted on this.





Happy New Years. =)